Teachable Moment: Understanding Lust, Desire, and Biblical Polygyny

By Sister Deborah

Teachable Moment: Understanding Lust, Desire, and Biblical Polygyny

Sisters, every now and then we get a comment that opens up a real opportunity for growth, clarity, and correction — not in a harsh way, but in a way that brings us all back to Scripture. This is one of those moments. When we talk about biblical marriage, especially polygyny, emotions can get involved, personal experiences rise up, and definitions start getting blurred.

But as daughters of Zion, we must always pause, breathe, and return to the Word.  Not our feelings, not our assumptions, and definitely not the cultural conditioning indoctrination of prescriptive Monogamy.

So today, I want to use this comment as a teachable moment for all of us, myself included, because what we say publicly about our brothers matters. How we judge or misjudge their motives matters. And most importantly, how we define sin versus righteousness must always align with Scripture, not opinion.

Here is the sister’s full comment:

Her Comment:

"If you listened carefully I said, "too many men in Israel are using polygyny to justify their lust" meaning that they're marrying women on top of the one(s) they already have because they lack self discipline. Isn't that what King Solomon did? You do know that's goes against scripture right? No where did I ever say this applies to all polygynous men. I said "lustful" men are doing this. Furthermore, a man CAN be taking on another wife due to lust, not everyone is trying to "build a nation", (Even honest polygynous sisters know this, key word honest). When I say 'lust, I'm referring to men who take additional wives because they lack self-control and are acting on fleshly, unrighteous desires, NOT men who practice polygyny properly. You ask what my "issue" is with this, again you did not pay attention to the video because I said in the very beginning, the video is to raise awareness and expose the spirit behind these lustful brothers because the ones that do this are causing pain and trauma in families and marriages. As in, they would rather sacrifice their already established family TMH YAH gave them to get another wife because they're lustful. Is that how YAHSHUA taught us to treat one another? (Matthew 7:12/Luke 6:31) Is that what TMH YAHUAH instructed them to do? No. (1 Peter 3:7) And the scripture clearly says to deny your fleshly/lustful desires (Gal5:16-26) Sarah obeyed Abraham even calling him Lord! (1 Peter 3:6) yet did she not order her husband to get rid of the concubine and her husband's child? (Genesis 21:10) A woman can be a meek quiet spirited and submissive wife and still have a say in her marriage like Sarah did. If Polygyny is done the right way, ALL members will be willing participants and doing it for the right reasons."

Now, let’s break this down with Scripture, not our emotions, and look carefully at how the Bible actually defines lust, desire, polygyny, and the motivations of men. This is where understanding Yah’s Word clearly keeps us from misjudging our brothers and misusing terms Yah Himself doesn’t use.

Here is my full response:

Shalom sis, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I appreciate you bringing this topic up because these conversations are needed in Israel. But respectfully, I want to clarify a few things because what you’re describing as “lust” is not what Scripture defines as lust, nor what Yah rebuked in the cases you mentioned.

1. A Man’s Sexual Desire Is Not Lust — It Is Creation Order

Yah designed men with a stronger sex drive, higher testosterone, and a natural desire for women. That is not unrighteous . This is what Genesis 1:28, says, “be fruitful and multiply.” A man cannot “multiply” without sexual desire. Calling a man’s Yah-given attraction “lust” is judging something Yah called good.

Scripture never condemns a man for desiring another unmarried, available, righteous woman.

Yah Himself gave men laws for taking additional wives:

·       Exodus 21:10 — if a man takes another wife, he may not diminish the first.

·       Deuteronomy 21:15–17 — laws protecting inheritance within polygyny.

·       Deuteronomy 21:10–14 — Yah commands how to take another wife.

You cannot legislate something Yah calls sin.

If polygyny was “lust,” Yah would not regulate it. Neither would He had provided it for King David (2 Samuel 12:7-8).

2. Lust = Coveting What Belongs to Another Man

The biblical definition of lust is coveting a married woman, not desiring an available one.

·       Exodus 20:14,17 — do not covet your neighbor’s wife.

·       Matthew 5:28 — Messiah speaks of a man lusting after another man’s wife. (The entire context is another man’s wife — something that is not yours.)

This is what you described:

“If a man desires another woman, it must be lust.”

Scripturally, that’s not true.

A righteous desire becomes lust only when it crosses into coveting something forbidden.

Sis, respectfully,  Yah Himself gave laws acknowledging that men desire beautiful women, and He regulated that desire instead of condemning it.

1. Deuteronomy 21:10–14  Shows Yah REGULATED a man’s desire for a beautiful woman

This law exists because Yah knows men are visually driven and naturally attracted to beauty.

Deuteronomy 21:10–11, reads,

“And you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you have desire for her, and would take her to you for a wife…”

Yah literally says:

“If you DESIRE her…”

He doesn’t shame the man.

He doesn’t call it lust.

He doesn’t call him undisciplined.

He gives a lawful process for that desire.

This tells us clearly:

·       A man desiring a beautiful woman is normal, not sinful.

·       Desire does not automatically equal unrighteous lust.

·       Yah understands male sexuality, because He designed it.

·       Yah provided lawful boundaries, not condemnation.

2. Yah gave this law to protect women, not condemn men

The process is protective:

1.     She must be brought home.

2.     She must be given time to mourn (one month).

3.     He cannot violate her or rush the marriage.

4.     If he chooses not to keep her, he must let her go free (v. 14).

He cannot sell her.

He cannot treat her as property.

This is not lust.

This is Yah giving structure, honor, and protection to a woman the man desired sexually. Yah would NEVER create a law that enables sin.

3. The very basis of polygyny in Scripture assumes male desire

•Abraham took Hagar, and he also had concubines

•Jacob took Rachel and Leah and their handmaid’s

•Gideon had many wives.

•David had multiple wives and concubines.

And Yah told David, once again:

2 Samuel 12:8

“If that had been too little, I would have given you even more.”

If sexually desiring to have more women was “lust,” then why didn’t Yah say:

“I would have given you more lust?”

Impossible.

Yah cannot contradict Himself. Nor does he condone sin.

4. Yah Himself acknowledges that men find pleasure in beautiful women

Ecclesiastes 2:8

Solomon speaks of the “pleasures of men being wives and concubines.”

The Bible doesn’t call it lust.

It calls it pleasure.

It calls it normal.

It calls it part of manhood.

5. Women were created for men, and wanting to have as many women as possible is not a sin and not condemned in the Bible.

Women are the glory of the man (1 Corinthians 11:7).

Yah brought Eve to Adam — because woman is man’s joy and help.

Men being sexually drawn to women is literally the creation order.

But notice this:

Scripture NEVER limits a man to one woman.

Not once.

There is not a single command anywhere in Torah saying “one wife only.”

So to condemn a man’s desire for more than one woman is to condemn what Yah Himself permits. (See James 4:11-12)

6. The captive woman law proves the exact opposite of the ‘Lustful brothers” argument.

If sexual desire is sinful:

·       Yah would have forbidden men from acting on attraction

➤ But He didn’t.

·       Yah would have rebuked the man for wanting the beautiful captive woman

➤ But He didn’t.

·       Yah would not give marriage instructions based on sexual attraction

➤ But He DID.

This law literally disproves the idea that male attraction = lust.

7. Desire becomes sin ONLY when it crosses Yah’s boundaries

According to Scripture, lust is:

·       Desire for another man’s wife (Exodus 20:17, Matthew 5:28)

·       Desire rooted in covetousness, idolatry, or stealing

But desiring:

·       a single woman

·       a captive woman allowed by Yah

·       a concubine

·       or additional wives

…is not listed as sin anywhere.

3. Solomon’s Sin Was Not Lust — Scripture Says So Clearly

We cannot add to Yah’s Word.

Solomon’s issue was:

·       1 Kings 11:1–2 — he loved foreign women whom Yah forbade because “they will turn your heart after other gods.”

·       1 Kings 11:4 — they turned his heart to idolatry.

Not one verse says Solomon sinned because he had many wives.

Yah even said He Himself had given Solomon wealth, honor, and the kingdom (1 Kings 3:13).

The problem was idolatry, not polygyny.

If Solomon’s number of wives was the sin, then:

·       Abraham

·       Jacob

·       Moses

·       Gideon

·       David

·       Joash

·       Jehoiachin

·       and even the prophet Hosea (commanded to take another woman)

…all would be guilty of “lust.”

But Yah never says that.

4. Yah Himself Describes His Own Relationship as Polygyny

·       Jeremiah 3:6–14 — Yah has two wives: Judah and Israel.

·       Ezekiel 23 — Oholah and Oholibah.

If polygyny = lust, then are we saying Yah lusts?

Absolutely not.

5. Yah Told David He Would Have Given Him More Wives

This is the clearest refutation of the idea that desire = lust.

When rebuking David, Yah says:

·       2 Samuel 12:8 — “I gave your master’s wives into your bosom… and if that had been too little, I would have given you more.”

Yah literally says:

“If you wanted more wives, I would have given you more.”

That is not lust.

That is Yah acknowledging a man’s natural desire and permitting it within righteousness.

6. The Hagar Situation Was Not a Rejection of Polygyny

Sister, we cannot use Sarah and Hagar as an example of polygyny being “wrong.”

·       Genesis 16:9 — The angel of Yah told Hagar to return and submit.

Yah Himself sent her back into the very same polygynous marriage she fled from.

·       Genesis 21:10–13 — The issue was inheritance, not polygyny.

·       Genesis 21:12 — Yah tells Abraham to listen to Sarah specifically because the covenant promise was with Isaac.

Hagar’s son Ishmael was still blessed (Genesis 17:20).

This was never about polygyny being wrong.

It was about covenant lineage.

7. “Self-Control” Does Not Mean Celibacy

Paul’s instruction on self-control is about avoiding sexual sin, not avoiding marriage.

·       1 Corinthians 7:9 — “If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.”

A man taking a wife  (even an additional wife ) is the biblical solution to strong sexual desire.

Not the definition of lust.

8. Women Must Be Careful Not to Judge Men’s Testosterone With Women’s Emotions

Sis, respectfully:

Women do not live in a man’s body.

We do not experience male hormones.

We do not experience male attraction.

We do not experience the male need for sexual fulfillment.

So when we judge men from a woman’s emotional framework, we judge unrighteously.

·       John 7:24 — “Judge not according to appearance, but judge righteous judgment.”

·       James 4:11–12 — Yah alone is Judge.

·       Romans 14:4 — “Who are you to judge another man’s servant?”

And Paul specifically says:

·       Titus 2:3–5 — Older women teach younger women.

Not men.

Not husbands.

Not the community’s spiritual leadership.

9. “Some men do it wrong” is not biblical grounds to condemn polygyny

Yes, some men operate in the flesh and sin in many ways even in a Monogamous marriage

Some women do too.

That does not define Yah’s institution of Polygyny as being evil, nor a man’s sexual desire as to have more wives as being lustful.

Israel misuses everything:

·       Offerings (Malachi 1)

·       Marriage (Malachi 2)

·       Leadership (Ezekiel 34)

·       Prophecy (Jeremiah 23)

Yet Yah never abolished any of the above nor has He Polygyny.

10. Attraction + Desire + Requesting/stating His Intent to Marry = Righteous Covenant

If a man desires a righteous single woman and intends to:

·       Cover her

·       Provide for her

·       Protect her

·       Take her as a wife, not a hookup fling.

That is not lust.

Scripturally, that is righteousness.  Beyond that we can’t presume to know the intention of a man’s heart in taking on any wife.

FINAL WORD

Sis, I say this with love:

Be very careful judging the men of Israel for their sexuality.

It is easy for us as women, because we do not share their drive, their hormones or their responsibilities is to call it “lust” simply because we do not understand it.

But Yah understands men.

Yah created men.

And Yah gave them both desire and the lawful structure of polygyny to express that desire in righteousness.

Thank you again for raising the topic.

These discussions are important, and may Yah give all of us the wisdom, humility, and discernment to speak only what aligns with His Word. Nothing added, nothing taken away.

Shalom and all the best to you, sis.

Deborah

Call4Wisdom

•Sis. Deborah’s Links:

-Channel: https://youtube.com/@call4wisdom?si=nK5eO0Ian1WbTllY

-Email: mycall4wisdom@yahoo.com

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