Teachable Moment: “Don’t Judge a Matter Before You Hear the Whole Story”

By Brother Mike Allen

“He who answers a matter before he hears it,

It is folly and shame to him.” — Proverbs 18:13

There’s a reason that verse is tucked in the Book of Proverbs. It’s not just wise—it’s protective. In a world full of hot takes, comment wars, and ten-second opinions, Scripture tells us: Don’t run your mouth until you know the full story. Because when you do, you don’t just make yourself look foolish—you risk tearing down truth and discouraging others from receiving it.

This week, we’re Diggin’ into a teachable moment that surfaced in one of sister Deborah’s recent videos on biblical polygyny. A brother dropped a public comment that gave us all the ingredients for a proper Proverbs 18:13 case study. Now, we’re not here to embarrass the man. We’re here to teach—especially the younger brothers who might read something like this and think, “Yeah! That sounds right!” when it’s actually scripturally and logically off.

So, here’s the comments that hit sister Deborah’s comments section, in full, for context, followed by some wisdom unpacked:

The Comments:

•"@Call4Wisdom Actually, I disagree. If any one woman wants to have more than one man, she disqualifies herself. You will reduce your mating pool by pursuing polygamy as a lifestyle.”

•“According to this woman, polygamy is better for women because: 'If you only have the choice of 5 guys in your vicinity, there's only probably 2 of them that are single...'

•Anyone listening to this woman with her illogicity deserves all the mess that they get in life. If her logic about fertile years is correct, what about later in life when fertility is not the issue?

•Total nonsense! If a woman wants to have her cake and eat it (sleep around), then own it! Don’t try and dress it up with arguments that don’t make any sense!

•Besides which, not all women want what she's espousing. Most women, for whatever reason, are monogamous!”

“This channel is called 'Call4Wisdom'. So far, from what you have said, I can tell the wisdom will be a long time coming!"

Let’s Break This Down—Like Men of the Word Should.

1. Always Hear the Whole Matter Before Responding

The brother in this comment jumped in mid-thought, misquoted the teaching, and responded emotionally to an idea that was never actually presented. That’s the danger of reacting before listening. What was actually being discussed was Biblical Polygamy, better termed “Polygyny”—Polygyny is when one man lawfully marries multiple women—each of whom is his wife. It’s rooted in covenant, commitment, and male headship, as seen throughout the Bible (Genesis 29-30, 2 Samuel 12:8, Deuteronomy 21:15-17).

• Polygamy is the practice or custom of having more than one spouse at the same time. It’s an umbrella term because it covers two main forms: Polygyny and Polyandry

• Polyamory, on the other hand, involves multiple romantic or sexual partners with no structure of male headship or biblical covenant. It’s often fluid, mutual, and lacks the scriptural framework of a man covering, leading, and providing for wives.

• Polyandry involves one woman with several men.

  
  

No one on this platform has ever promoted polyandry or polyamory. In fact, it's biblically forbidden (Leviticus 18:18, Romans 1:18-27; 7:2–3). So when someone hears “polygyny” and assumes it means women sleeping around, they’re not just misinformed—they’re putting false witness in the air. And that grieves the Ruach (Spirit).

2. Polygyny is Biblical—And Yes, It Benefits Women Too

Let’s deal with the actual point: Is polygyny better for women in certain cases?

Answer: Yes. And Scripture supports that.

In a culture where righteous, Torah-observant men are few, men die sooner, are incarcerated more, do violent and dangerous things, women do have fewer options. That’s not Sister Deborah’s invention. That’s reality. According to recent census trends and marriage data, we’re seeing record numbers of women entering their 30s and 40s unmarried and childless.

So if there’s one truly righteous man in the community and three sisters want to marry—what’s the better option?

• Compete and wait another 10 years hoping a single brother appears?

• Or share the covering of a godly man who’s already proven, trustworthy, and ready to lead?

  
  

Torah gives provision for this. Yah even tells King David in 2 Samuel 12:8 that “He Himself gave him multiple wives.” That means that having multiple wives is not sin. That’s structure. That’s Yah providing for the people.

3. Sexual Immorality and Polygyny Are Not the Same

Now here’s where things get sloppy. The brother’s comment accuses polygyny of being an excuse for women to “have their cake and eat it”—in other words, to sleep around. That’s false, dangerous, and shows a complete misunderstanding of biblical marriage.

Polygyny is not casual sex. It is women gaining the benefit of receiving a covenant relationship. The Torah doesn’t allow free-for-all intimacy. It commands structure, vows, provision, and responsibility.

So when a woman enters into a marriage with a man who already has a wife, she’s not being immoral—she’s being covered under a biblical, lawful arrangement. That’s miles apart from what the brother implied.

4. Most Women Prefer Monogamy? That’s Fine. But Preference Isn’t Doctrine.

Yes, many women today prefer monogamy. No problem. No one’s dragging them into polygyny. But let’s not confuse modern preference with biblical precedence.

Torah never commanded monogamy. And if Yah never condemned righteous men for having multiple wives such as Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David, Gideon who each, according to Hebrews 11, are commended for their respective lives of faith, then we should be careful not to make what’s lawful sound sinful. Just because it challenges our Western mindset.

If a woman chooses monogamy, that’s her lane. But for the women who embrace polygyny with faith, order, and obedience—they’re not lacking wisdom. They’re walking in it.

5. The Role of Women in Teaching and Encouraging

Now let’s address the elephant in the room: Should a woman be speaking on these things at all?

Some brothers are very uncomfortable when a sister is bold enough to teach Scripture—especially if she’s teaching on topics they associate with male headship. But the Word doesn’t silence righteous women. It gives them clear parameters.

Titus 2 tells older women to teach younger women what is good—how to love their husbands and children, how to be sober, chaste, and keepers at home. And Proverbs 31 shows a woman who “opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”

When a woman speaks in submission to Yah, grounded in Torah, and for the edification of other women and children—she is doing exactly what she was commanded to do.

Sister Deborah, the voice behind Call4Wisdom, isn’t teaching men or usurping authority. She’s equipping women with truth. And let’s be real: in a generation full of loud, rebellious feminists, we need more sisters who sound like this.

6. Discernment Before Disrespect

Let’s end where we started.

It’s one thing to disagree. It’s another to insult, misquote, and disrespect a teacher trying to help women make godly choices in a chaotic world. That kind of behaviour doesn’t just make men look petty—it makes them look unprepared to lead.

Wise men don’t scoff. They ask questions and search. They study. They compare Scripture with Scripture. And if they still disagree, they do it with honour.

Because at the end of the day, platforms like Call4Wisdom aren’t about ego—they’re about building up the remnant together. Helping men and women escape deception and embrace the truth—even when it makes us uncomfortable.

Final thought for the family:

Before you react or write a comment, ask yourself: Have I heard the full episode, the full teaching on the matter?

Before you speak publicly, ask: Am I building up the Body—or tearing it down?

And before you judge a teaching: Have I checked the Scriptures—or just my feelings?

Wisdom doesn't need to shout. It just needs to stand long enough for wise men and women to hear it.

Until next time, stay Diggin’ In The Word, and don’t forget:

“The prudent give thought to their steps.” — Proverbs 14:15b, NIV

Brother Mike Allen

Diggin’ In The Word

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To see Brother Mike’s playlist of videos on marriage: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZdQGJPPaDFf4BzWMMPpjpC8uQmVC229d&si=kdYyJPaGJ2BW-KrA

To go to Brother Mike’s YouTube Channel Homepage: https://youtube.com/@digginintheword-withmikeallen?si=MRZklwDKNaWHXn6C

To read other articles from Brother Mike, click here: https://www.digginintheword.biz/blog

To watch Sister Deborah’s video created to encourage your wives, potentials, daughters or sisters, click here: https://youtube.com/@call4wisdom?si=cVMxjPr2ksD8Y7gv