“Sis, You Don’t Want the Last Donut: That’s Why Pre -Selected Men Turn Us On”

By: Sister Deborah

4/30/2025

 

Let’s be honest for a second, ladies.

You ever been at a party, eyeing the snack table, and that one jelly donut is just sitting there alone—untouched? Nobody’s gone for it. No bites, no interest. You look at it and think, “What’s wrong with it?”

 

Now rewind the tape. That same donut—sliced in half, gone, clearly somebody already wanted it? You suddenly feel bold. You’re thinking, “Maybe I should try that one too. Looks like a winner.”

 

That, my dear, is the female brain on mate choice copying.

 

We like what’s already been chosen. Desired. Vetted. And before y’all try to act brand new, don’t play like you haven’t side-eyed a man just a little harder after seeing his wife looking cute, calm, and covered. It’s giving “What’s he doing right?”—and boom, attraction unlocked.

 

Now, the church might tell you that only monogamy is holy, biology is trying to keep you quiet, and psychology’s out here whispering, “But you like him ‘cause other women do…” Meanwhile, Paul is somewhere in 1 Timothy warning us like, “Yeah, demons are out here messing with women over food and marriage restrictions.”

 

Now before some of you sisters start clutching the wigs, shouting “I want to be the only One Wife”!!!, let’s take a breath. This isn’t about a woman’s desperation for control. This is about Yah’s design. And I’m here to break it down: Polygyny actually suits female sexuality better than monogamy—if you’re willing to stop looking at it through a Westernized, feminist lens and start looking through the Word... and maybe a microscope too.

 

Let’s get into it.

 

1. The Bible Got Receipts

 

You know who didn’t have a problem marrying a man who already had a wife (or three)? Just about every righteous woman in your Bible.

 

Abraham had Sarah and Hagar.

Jacob had Leah, Rachel, and the two side servants. David had wives for days and still got Bathsheba. Yah Himself uses polygyny as a metaphor for how He relates to Israel and Judah—two “wives.” He deals with each differently but still claims both as His own (see Ezekiel 23 if you’re not scared of graphic prophecy).

 

If it was wicked, wouldn’t Yah shut it down? But instead of banning it, He regulates it:

 

“If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights.” – Exodus 21:10

 

He didn’t say, “He can’t do that.”

He said, “He better handle his business fairly if he does.”

 

Also, let’s not forget that Esther married a man in a kingdom-wide beauty contest where she was Wife # 2 numerous to count..., and she still had favor. So miss me with the “God only blesses monogamous unions” argument. That’s a demonic lie. Not Torah.

 

2. Biology: Your Brain’s Been Snitching On You

 

Sis, science been telling on us. Hard.

 

Studies show that women find men more attractive when they’re already desired by other women. It’s not shallow—it’s survival. You’re biologically wired to choose a mate who’s already been pre-approved. It’s like Yelp for your uterus.

 

This is called mate choice copying—a documented behavior in everything from birds to humans.

 

“If she’s with him, he must be doing something right.”

 

3. Psychology: Hypergamy Ain’t a Sin, It’s a Feature

 

Let’s talk hypergamy. It’s that thing where women want to “marry up”—not just in money, but in influence, wisdom, strength, and security. It’s not gold-digging—it’s instinct. Yah wired you to want a man you can look up to, not look down on while reminding him to wash his feet and get a job.

 

And guess what often happens in modern monogamy?

 

Women get stuck with a man they don’t admire. They lose respect. The desire dries up eventually. Now she’s dragging him to therapy, feeling guilty for fantasizing about his boss, and wondering why her body doesn’t respond like it used to. Sis, your body ain’t broken—it’s just unimpressed.

 

Polygyny allows women to choose men who have already demonstrated high sexual and leadership value. These men don’t need convincing. They’re already respected, followed, and desired—which keeps the fire lit in the marriage because you never stop looking up to him. You never forget his worth.

 

Oh, and you might even put in more effort when you know you’re not the only one trying to impress him. That’s not competition. That’s accountability through femininity—

 

Conclusion: He Ain’t Leftovers, He’s Certified

 

So, no—you don’t want the lonely jelly donut that nobody touched. You want the one people been eyeing. The one that’s half gone. The one somebody already confirmed was sweet.

 

That’s what Biblical Polygyny offers women:

 

Preselection. Proven leadership. Sustained admiration.

 

And for many women, that turns into deeper security, lasting sexual desire, and stronger alignment with how Yah actually designed us to love.

 

So maybe it’s time to stop asking why he already has a wife...

 

…and start asking, “Does she look rested and covered?”

 

Because if the answer is yes, you might want to pay attention.  

 

For a deeper dive into this topic check out the following episode: https://youtu.be/WrBC_PaJNe0?si=eGZXZLqkhoz4CJiQ